i had a friend once

let's just call her michelle
and she taught me how to be grateful
so did her brother-in-law, in fact
she taught me how to savor the flavor of a mini reese's cup
how to slow down
how to enjoy doing absolutely nothing but talking about nothing at all
how to let our minds meander at will
how to be entertained by the simplest of details
how to enjoy the words 'thrifty people ahhhh'
just because they are fun to say
she moved slowly
and yet she could also take a very quick shower when she had to be somewhere in a hurry
she knew when to speed up and when to slow down
and I appreciated that
and I am so lucky
I have so many people that I have met since her and before her but mostly since her
who have reminded me of her
and that quality
but I don't know
not many measure up to her in that respect
it's hard to compete
she takes nothing for granted, not one speck, not one look, not one choice of word
she slows down
and in my mad dash to get through my day
to keep clothes clean
and kids from hollering
and peace keeping
and bills to be paying
and papers to be grading
and exercise that never gets done
and parties that have to be had
and groceries that need to be bought and sorted
and clothes and toys that need to be picked up
and friends that need to be called
and sleep that needs to be had
and time alone that needs to be savored
in my mad dash to do it all and do it all well
I hardly have time to enjoy any of it
and so I do... I stop being grateful, and then I stop being happy
and then I think I need more money
and more friends
and more this and more that
and more exercise
and more youthfulness
and more and more and more
and nothing I have is enough
and I am not good enough
and nobody is good enough
it's true - to be happy you have to start by being grateful
and to be grateful you have to slow down and look and act on it, the opportunity, when it arises
and it will arise
again and again
if you slow down enough to look at it
there is a fear in gratefulness
a fear that... if I start getting too complacent, if I start thinking that this is good enough
then I will stop trying to seek more
there's a fallacy in that, somewhere
there's a disconnect
there was a woman poet on the radio today
she talked about loneliness
and she talked about how when you're in the south
and you're talking to old ladies
you can ask them all the questions you want
but they are only going to tell you so much
and the best way to get someone to talk
is to stop making them talk
everyone will reveal everything you need them to
if you just quiet yourself enough to listen, and not pry, just listen
if I worry too much about being too content with the way things are
if I spend too much time worrying that if I don't knock on the door of opportunity, then the opportunity will go away
if I fret too much about being a woman of action and that I have to do more to achieve more
then I'm not letting much of the universe in
the universe will come in, if you let it and you're quiet enough to let it feel comfortable to walk in
so get quiet, listen, think about what you like, and what you're happy to have, and then notice
see if it begins to happen
see if you begin to see more and more reasons to radiate the love
because it will start to radiate and then more love will come your way if you let it
because that's all it really boils down to anyway, right?
the love.
what am I grateful for? what do I have right now?
I've got time late at night to think
I've got friends who introduce me to new music, new filmmakers, new comedians, old comedians
I've got kids who are growing nicer and nicer by the minute, even after they fly off the handle, they are able to come back down to earth and be nicer and nicer each day
I've got a leg that works again
I've got a nice house, nice cats, a nice comfy bed that is as wide as the sea
I've got a smashing yellow and purple and pink house
I've got friends who write me out of the blue from years gone by from distant lands overseas
I've got a dad whose voice sounds the same as it sounded when I was a child
I've got a sister who I've grown closer to and yet we are just as close as we ever were
I have a friend who loves these kids as much as me, their dad
I've got my health
I've got a little money in the bank, I've got enough
I've got the ability to cook, and I've got recipes in my head that will take me where I need to go
I've got a sense of humor, I can do accents
I've got the ability to drink coffee again and not be afraid
I've got students who make me think and remind me to stay open and aware and awake
I've got colleagues who let me know how dear I am to them, and them to me
and I've got a pair of jeans that fit just right and make me feel as sexy as can be.