automatic writing

i'm going to pretend that the keyboard is a ouija board and i will let my fingers go where they will since they say that ouija boards are really just a conduit of the non-conscious mind, the part of your mind that makes your eyes blink and so i am goign to do just that just like the neo-surrealists poet like the dadaists did way back when in ancient no not-ancient prehistoric no not prehistoric early 20th century france which is a time and place that i'd have rather lived except for all the disease and pestilence and rats and things and dying too young and dirty sewery places but yeah the art and good cooking would have been nice and surrealistic entrails of the mind is where my mind is going now down some tunnel down some dark dark dark dark dark dark forbidden zone some strange way of rastafarian ratatouille placement of the mat of the kitchen sink of the fingers going going going what does this mean doesn't mean anything does it have to mean something no it doesn't it's just being awake and dreaming at the same time it's just letting your fingers do the talking and the walking and the plummeting and the shenaniganing and it's the zone it's the place it's the place place place leave no trace and i am sinking sinking sinking into oblivion like the hypnotists always invite you threaten you cajole you to do and i've never quite trusted hypnotists at least the hypnotists i've mentioned i've seen i've met they alwasy seem to have some hidden agenda not just turning you into a chicken but other things strange things weird old white dude in a van traipsing around pt townsend and boys & girls clubs sorts of things i don't know but that's often the vibe i get from hypnotists and i believe there are some good uns out there but i think hypnotism is like masseuses you need to have one that you know already and trust i'd rather be hypnotized by a best friend than a complete stranger so there you have it like with anything it's good to know who you're talking to or dreaming to or whatever whatever england folsom tottenham court road that tall guy who used to be in those movies i liked to watch rupert guy weird birdlike man if ever there was a man who looked like a falcon or penguin or rat or what's the word i want? or tiger or raven yes raven if ever there was a man who looked like a raven it should be him yes rupert everett is a strange looking man who belongs wearing a black trench coat always and i could never imagine him with a suntan and that's just fine for him but it was slightly disappointing after having had the hugest teenage crush on him as a teenager when i found out that in person in interviews he wasn't nearly as dashing as he seemed in his movies not that men always have to dash about to be cool but you know there was this haughtiness this coldness this disdain that i just didn't like and so there you go it was kind of like my rude awakening of steve martin who was equally as cold a fish in interviews so there you have it. that's why movie stars are so short and the movies make them look so tall and warm and inviting but they're not always they're really not so i guess that's life and that's ok and i'm probably not that warm most of the time either especially living in a cold climate but i try try try i try to drink a lot of hot drinks so that the warmth of my fingertips touches my soul and i stay open to the crowds and the throngs and the good and the not so good and just stay open as long i can before my soul gets tired and withdraws and retreats to the entrails of my mind and and a