navel gazing

it may seem like pointless navel gazing
and maybe it truly is
but I swear to god
my gut tells me 'no', it's something more

there is something
in the up and down of every day
in the knowing feeling and the lost feeling
in the 'living without caffeine' and then 'deciding it's ok to have a swig' kind of day
there is something
in
following your heart, your soul, the wind, your gut that tells you which way to go
when to shut the hell up
and when to open the hell up
when to wait and when to act
getting grounded
and then sometimes not giving a fuck
and just saying 'to hell with it' and living for the moment

when I have spent enough time alone
I come back to this
who I am
not encumbered by anyone else's way of seeing me
not encumbered by anyone else's way
I remember who I am and what I like and what makes me tick and move
and I come back to the world, more myself than I ever was
and I meet the world as me, not as what I think the world wants me to be
but too much time spent in the world
and I forget how to please myself
so hellbent I am on pleasing everyone else
I forget what I think and feel
no matter how strongly I think I have a grip on my own mind
I am too easily influenced
I am a chameleon, an actor

and nobody likes to be alone for too long, and we all have our definition of what 'too long' is
but I think it's true
and if you can wait and get past that 'too long' period
then you will truly feel contentment again
the kind of contentment
that makes you helps you be yourself your true grounded strong self
in any situation
it helps you make split second good decisions
and it gives you back your own wacky sense of humor
that nobody gets, except a few seconds later
but only if you truly commit to it
and that's pretty damn hard to do