in a race

I'm in a race against time, hurrying along, trying to keep up with what with what with what? with whatever little carrots on a stick I set in front of myself to keep myself going. it's ok. I don't generally stop until it's 10 o'clock at night but I do stop then. I do. I really really do. but maybe I will inch closer each day. maybe each night I will try to wake up to myself a little bit sooner. sit down a little more. relax a little more. earlier and earlier until maybe it's even 5 o'clock that I start to relax and then maybe 4 or 1pm or 10am. hell maybe i'll even start the day relaxed and not care and not put one iota of effort into anything and just see where the day takes me I love it when I do that I love it when I say fuck it and chuck it for a whole day. there is nothing better than that. playing hookey. I need to do that more. we all need to do it more but one of these days I just need to play hookey with my day even as I go and enter the day. just turn the sign to 'closed' or 'shut' and keep going anyway. just close the blinds but still go out into the world. just go on autopilot. maybe that's what I do most of the time but I don't think so. I'm always turned to 'on' but not necessarily turned on. I want to be turned on but I want to decide when I want to be turned on.