so it's time

it's time it's time it's time. it's time for me to think of the muses that keep me going when I least expect it. there are people - always people - but there are people who remind me always of who I am. who I am without kids who I am without anyone else... just me. people who just see me. not as a mom or a wife or a teacher. just me. those are the people who, just by thinking about them, visualizing them in my brain, I become me again. not that it's all about me but I think it's so easy to forget who you are in the maelstrom of people telling you who you oughtta be. from jerry Seinfeld who waxes endlessly on the necessity of marriage and who refuses to swear or do potty talk. from the relatives who can't understand why a person would ever be unattached. from the endless parade of couples, happy? who knows. but they're there. linked. for happiness or for unhappiness. I don't know. who knows. all I know is that, I believe, whether you are with someone or no, it doesn't really matter. what matters is are who you are no matter what. no matter who you are with. I have a student today who couldn't understand a question that I asked him. I asked him to think about different friends and family that he had. and did some people bring out a different side of him than other people. and he very politely but very genuinely said 'nope. I am the same person with every person I meet.' that astounded me. that floored me. maybe because I pride myself on adapting to various people but there is something very toweringly admirable about that. that here is a man, a person, who is always himself no matter what. maybe he doesn't swear and drink as much around his mom as around his best bud, but still.... he is honestly the same person always. that is a gift. a rarity these days. and I admire it. maybe I don't necessarily want to completely imitate it but still... I think I could stand to learn something from him. often it's the people you least identify with who have the most to teach you in the long run. so I'm curious. I'm interested. don't want to necessarily be like that always. I prefer to be a bit more mercurial than that.