it's very hard

to go from something
to nothing
to go from inspiration
to neutrality
to go from getting your caffeine fix whenever you damn well needed it
to cold turkey
to go from having a reason to get up in the morning
to having to fabricate a reason to get up in the morning
it's not that I don't have reasons
they're just not the reasons I used to have
and so I have to accept that... change
and often I don't like change
I had you
I had the eyes
I had the smile
I had the cheeky grin
I had the knowing glance
I had you

and now?
I have a different you
a thousands different yous
who are not quite you
there is one 'you'
that I like a lot
it's not the same as you
but the essence is the same
and the essence is...

the ability to see into me
the ability to know when to wait
the ability to get my sense of humor
and never question it, doubt it, undermine it
just go with it
just take whatever I have and support and sustain and spread it like hazelnut chocolate goo on toast
there is no you like you
but I catch glimpses of you in another
and I am reminded of what I need the most
I need someone who gathers me when I need it most
who sees me unraveling
and instead of taking pity
just smiles instead
and helps me find the joy in the unraveling
because there is
even when I think I have nothing left to say
this 'you' reminds me that whatever few words come to my brain
are enough
to begin again
and make it real
and make it fun
and make it new
and I do
and I stop judging
and I stop planning
and I stop thinking that this is the end
it's just the beginning
and it's all how you look at it
and as long as I'm not judging
then that's all that really matters
because everyone else's judgment
is just a load of crock
really, when you think about it, no harm intended
it's just the truth
unless they want to have fun with me at least 95% of the time
the rest of the world can just kiss my ass
and that's the way I think it oughtta be.