bedtime

god it's the cutest thing
bedtime
a teepee of blankets and gymnast landing pads
and word games of bouncing words off like 'mozzarella' and 'squares' leading to 'fire' and....too tired to make sense, the grumpies come and it's really time for sleep

I try to think of what I've read or heard today that inspired me
and it's a sunset and mark twain and the thought that the only thing holding you back is your own inner obstacles and focus on what you want to focus on and you will get there and sometimes all you have to focus on is the simplest of things like 'how to enjoy today, this hour, this moment' and sometimes it's bigger stuff like 'what the hell am I going to do with my life?' but either way it doesn't matter because what does matter is just right now and whether you are able to make yourself and those around you happy right now and in making other people happy, you make yourself happy so that's what i'm focusing on right now.

there are limits to how much one can do in a day or in a life but there aren't really either. it's never too late to start doing whatever it is you want to start doing. the only limits there are are sleep and food and eating so get those taken care of and you are on your way. if there are any other limits, they are in your mind. what other people say or think just doesn't matter. it's up to you. how should I spend my day? what should my family look like? what should I be reading? how should I teach? how many or few friends should I have? how much exercise should I get? it's up to you. of course, listen to some good sense now and then but ultimately it's also just up to you. be the writer of your own life. hold the pen and see where it goes.

there are so many 'shoulds' in my brain, I just can't believe I can even function sometimes. I SHOULD go outside more often. I SHOULD drink more water. I SHOULD get more sleep. I SHOULD sit still more and stop running around so much on my feet. I SHOULD not spend too much time on my own or else i'll end up hallucinating and seeing visions like my grandmother. I SHOULD not be out socializing so much because I need to buckle down and get my 'to do' list done more often. I SHOULD make my kids sleep in their own beds more often. I SHOULD not worry so much about petty little stuff like that if we are just happy the way we are. I SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD. god that word looks weird now. as it SHOULD!