i made a vow

to myself and to whoever and whatever life forms read this thing
that I will write down whatever thought flits through my brain on this page
for the next year or so
or maybe eternity
because... why the hell not?
it's not hurting anybody
and it might even help somebody
realize
that
it matters
what goes on in your brain... matters
and if everyone paid more attention to what was going on inside their brain
we all might be living in a happier, saner world

so here it is, in all of its truly undadulterated unobliterated uncensored glory
I laughed today
yes I laughed
and I was laughing after having been serious for far too long
and what made me laugh
was something my dad said
I don't even know what he said really
it was just the way that he said it
that offhand, nothing really matters kind of tone of voice? you know?
the voice that says, 'just relax... what FUN did you have today?' no pressure
because our life is really rather short
and we can spend it deliberating and doubting
or we can spend it enjoying and learning and being curious
and then later today
suddenly it hit me
something my kids said about liking something a lot
and then I thought of chris Farley saying, 'if you LIKE it so much, why don't you MARRY it!'
and it made me laugh
not because it's nice to make fun of huskier people
not because overeating is funny
but just because of him
just because he is a little kid in a big kid's body
and THAT's exactly what we need to all remember how to be
little kids.... inside... who feel things... who know things... who live things 'for reals'
who are honest with how they feel
who want things and are not ashamed to want things
who feel strong feelings and are not afraid to show them
who remember things, every little detail, every day
who take what you say and learn from it, syllable by syllable
boy that word looks weird right now... 'syllable'
who notice every little thing as they pass it by
and, if they can't, if it's not on their radar, it's because they are so absorbed by something else that they are completely and utterly committed to
that is the essence of kid-dom
and I don't care how old I get
I will try my damndest
never to forget how to do that
I don't know how
maybe the only way is to be around a lot of kids
but i'm gonna try
and I know for sure it starts with one thing...
remembering how to have fun and NOT be so serious all the time. stop....a lot... to have fun