non-caffeinated sojourn

sometimes
when i'm patient with myself
when I just decide - that's it! i'm going with the flow, not in front of it, not against it, not behind it
when i'm willing to just be with whatever plops in my lap
when i'm willing to let go of my agenda
when i'm willing to let life surprise me
that's when I say 'no' to coffee
not a mean 'no'
not a resentful 'no'
just... nope
you can't tempt me now
you can't get inside my brain and tell me that my life will be oh so much more exciting
if I am feeling that zing in my lips
that whirr in my brain
that wind that picks me up and takes me wherever it wants to go
nope
I just say nope
and I slow down enough
to finally notice things
when i'm not speeding by at 150 mph
I finally see that horse over there, 300 yards away, peeing in the field with its hind legs outstretched
I finally notice that my kids are happily reminiscing about their drawing contests last summer
I finally notice that i'm a little bit gentler, a little bit softer, a little bit nicer when i'm not on it
and, consequently, everyone is a little bit nicer around me too
it doesn't take big changes to make your life a whole lot better
just little changes that add up slowly over time
so that nothing feels too pressing or urgent or absolute
just little suggestions to help you find your way here or there with a little less stress or trepidation
i'm not giving up on coffee, never will
i'm just picking and choosing with whom and where and how long we rendez-vous
zippedy doo woo