the cats are mad at me

and the fence is broken (one slat, it's no big whoop)
and the house is still a mess (ok, i'm being a bit melodramatic)
and i'm just done (well, for the time being)
and i'm reading about dreamers and john lennon and that artists=dreamers
and I just don't care
I don't care care care today, just today,
about anything except
making myself a cup of coffee
and laying around the house
and writing
and maybe jogging
and getting caught up
and just being in my own space
with no one
to remind me
of the 10001 things I am supposed to be doing
shut it all off
turn off all the gadgets and gizmos
and just exist
just remember what it was like
when I was 7 or 12
and one whole day lasted a week
and I ended each day with a laundry list of all the fun things that i'd done
and I lay there in bed thinking of all the fun things that would come
the next day
and this morning
I had a dream that woke me up
I love those kinds of dreams
dreams that shake you awake
that force you to pay attention, remember me! i'm here! don't forget!
and I still remember the feeling of that dream
the presence, the urgency
the knowingness
the feeling that if I want to get caught up, I can
if I want to just lay around and be an artist, I can
if I want to sit and daydream, I can
in my dream, a smile told me it would all be okay
and strong feelings are okay
and mild ones are okay, too
and having rip roaring days are great
but having still ones can be just as pleasurable too
and all my life
I have resisted but been conditioned by the premise
that there is one way to live
one way to raise your kids
one kind of family to have
one kind of food to eat
one kind of politics to follow
one kind of art to make
one kind of party to have
one kind of friend to make
one way to teach
one way speak or laugh or think or listen or sit or stand or what kinds of jokes are acceptable or not
and all my life I have fought it and fought it and fought it
to forge my own path and cheesily make my own way
a la frank Sinatra
but i'm doing it
I've done it
and i'll keep on doing it
even if I end up sitting in a rocking chair with a 1000 cats
i'll do it
even if I end up adopting 15 kids just for the hell of it, i'll do it
even if I end up selling it all and living in an RV as I traipse around the  country just interviewing the world, i'll do it
but the one thing i'll never do.... is
not be me.