so here's what i think

not that what I think matters or that what anybody thinks matters, really, in the scheme of things because life changes day to day and reality changes and we are all just doing the best with what we have at our disposal and all you can do is look forward and look back and try to take the best from both then and now and later. all I know is that it's not worth it. none of it is worth it. not in the nihilistic sense, just in the sense that you've got today you've got now this is what you've got and you can either enjoy what you've got staring right at you or not. I've learned this time and time again and I know it's no big whoop and I know it's not mind boggling new or different but I think it's important to remember as we slog our way through life as we think we've all got it figured out this minute or the next and that it just doesn't matter. what matters is to laugh. what matters is that you see someone in the hallway and they stop to talk to you not because they need something from you not because you need something from them, just because and those are the best kinds of stops in the hallways. someone just lightens your load just because they are there and they're interested and they're curious and that's it. it boggles my mind really. when my life has a todo list the size of Alaska, and I know everyone else does too, it boggles my mind that somebody just wants to stop me on the stairwell or stop me in the hallway or stop me on the front steps of the theatre and just chat, chat about nothing, chat about dresses and smiles and evacuation drills and winter quarters and nothing really just nothing but the presence of the mind, the presence of this other soul that you knew at another point in your life, a show you worked on together, a play you both poured your heart into and you just were there once in time together laughing and joking and simply their presence is all that you need to remember who you were and who they were and suddenly your string of events of your life is connected again and you are traveling along with a full load but a full load with a series of train box cars that are connected instead of disjointed and your life is full again and complete and you're not stepping in potholes anymore you're just stepping and floating above the breeze because someone's presence lifted your presence so much that you are literally floating one foot above the ground by the sheer force of their indomitable will and presence.