there's nothing like
taking a shower
to clear the palate of the mind
everything becomes cleansed
you know what you need to do
worries are, of course, washed away
and you are left with the bare necessities
what you must do to move forward
what needs to be addressed
not in the 'to do' list sense
but in the sense of... 'this will be exhilarating if I can get this done'
I MUST write a poem as soon as I get out of here
I MUST pay my mortgage so I stop worrying about that
I MUST find that song that emboldens my heart
I MUST get my bike and run and listen to my songs at the same time
I MUST stay as long as I like in this house and go absolutely nowhere in order to feel and remember what it feels like to be a kid again and have absolutely zero obligations to anyone at any time
I MUST remember that it's ok just to be here right now with no plans and no worries and nothing to do just daydream and remember and plan and just enjoy and be still and be loud and notice the little things and the big things like sunsets that you only get to see once because they'll never be the same again and little moments like kids building forts in the living room and going to bed and waking up in good moods and how many cups of coffee can I drink before I start to feel icky and meth-like and the most hilarious moments on TV shows that I hardly ever watch but I really need to watch more often and just relax and be chill with the kids in the living room with no tasks hanging over me and remembering how I used to change my clothes so many times during the day as a kid that my mom would have a stack of washed clothes for me to sort through each week of clothes that really weren't that dirty but I had put them in the laundry bin just because I had worn them for 5 minutes and then went on to my next outfit for the next part of the day.
I like showers because they show you what's what and sometimes I forget what's what in the 'to do' list of my mind. i'm sick of 'to do' lists. I want a 'to want' list instead. a 'must have or else' list. a 'it's now or never' list. a 'just improv it' list. a 'so be it' list. a 'whatever is whatever' list. a 'the spirit moves me and so that's where i'm going' list. a 'this was interesting and now i'm on to that' list. a 'stay up until 3am just because the inspirazione won't quit' list and an 'on and on and on until the break of dawn' list.