nighttime

sometimes I sit there and wonder
is it better to go to bed early and get some sleep?
or stay up late and do everything that I want?
what will I regret more later?
what will I be inspired by more later?
what will carry me through the next day?
what will send me crashing into the sea?
I am convinced, no matter what the latest scientific study says,
that if you stay up at night, if you stay up in life
and do what you want to do when you want to do it
even if it carries you into the wee hours of the morning
even if it means you drink a cuppa joe at midnight
even if it means that you go to sleep at 9am and wake before dawn
even if it means that you stay up and answer all the petty emails you're supposed to answer and then when you finally have time for yourself then you realize it's too late and it's time for bed but instead you stay up and read that high school English class novel that you've been trying to read for the past three weeks and have gotten nowhere fast with but which has stayed with you hauntingly for the past 3 weeks.
and the cat lays there like a black puffy marshmellow inviting you to sink your teeth in
and the house is a happy mess after a happy hallowe'en party full of happy memories that they'll savor when they're older and older
and I am tired but not as tired as I would be if I hadn't had pushed myself so much that I ended up having my todo list in my head ransack my brain and prevent me from noticing the cop tracking my speed and then issuing me a ticket for $113 when, he happily pointed out to me, could have been as high as $800 given all of the outdated paperwork I had in the car so I bit my tongue and accepted the ticket but also realized that it was a good thing because it made me realize that unless I say 'no' sometimes to the endless demands on my time and my mental space then I am simply inviting the cops in my brain to put the brakes on my life FOR me so I might as well find a way to say 'no' on my own to some of all the happy mayhem that keeps coming my way. asta